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Monday, March 29, 2010

MONSTER GOO

They say the devil is in the details. Supermarket Atrocities is dedicated to calling out, examining and discussing all the little things that are slowly, surely eroding American culture, intellect, and physical vitality. Take for example Monster Goo. On the surface, dipping apple slices in caramel sauce sounds yummy. Except there is so much wrong with Monster Goo, lurking not even below the surface. Most of it is right there on the packaging. To name a food Monster Goo is sexually suggestive in a way that is utterly inappropriate for kids. Next, as if caramel sauce isn't good enough, they've given it a Cherry Blast! Most offensive is that the Cherry Blast flavored Monster Goo is made out of High Fructose Corn Syrup, Satan's favorite processed foodstuff. And you, H-E-B, shame on you for putting this vile processed foodstuff just below the apples at child eye level...because apples aren't yummy enough on their own, children. I expect that the majority of supermarket atrocities are committed against children because they're suckers for flashy packaging. Don't buy into it. This is how big food corporations train us to become suckers from a young age, and to believe that their vile processed foodstuffs are actual food.

3 comments:

  1. I don't get the sexual connotation from the word's "Monster Goo" but the monster on the package is definitely phallic.

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  2. Also, it's from a company called Litehouse. Besides spelling it wrong, ahem, no doubt there are people out there who will see Lite and think it's better for you than the other brands but it probably isn't.

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  3. Megan, listen to some Andrew Dice Clay to get the Goo reference.

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